careful

068whether it’s with friends, or parents, or children, or husbands, or wives, or sisters, or brothers….love is not a careful endeavor.214

truthfully, its seems more like an outlandish notion.                                                                 it’s far more about risk than safety.  the kind of risk that requires abandon of self and letting our guard down.  and when all is boiled down…it’s not really about getting our needs met either.  because honest, pure love keeps no accounts.

instead it’s a reckless letting go.                                                                                                throwing caution to the wind and letting life get a bit disordered and re-arranged.                  no straight lines.  no predicting outcomes.  no calculating costs.                                              it’s more about falling and trusting and is seldom perfect or 100% safe.

by loving we might even run the risk of looking the fool or getting our hearts broken.         nevertheless, something deep inside us is still willing, even longing to attach to another.      because the human heart was set to beating with a rhythm like it’s Creator.  everything about how we love reflects a God who is passionate about relationality.  it’s His deposit of Himself in us that gives us the capacity and desire to love in the first place.

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He made us in His image and that leaves me speechless every time i  consider it.  His purpose is written on our very hearts.  we carry it there like a holy tether and template for loving.  in fact, no other living thing on the planet is capable of such wild and risky attachment.  it certainly can’t be attributed to survival of self because everything about love goes against the sensible laws of nature and instinct.  honestly, let’s agree that loving has little to do with fending for ourselves or guarding our own well-being.                                it’s more like sheer madness.

rationality would far better serve us.

but to live that way would surely bring a slow death to the heart.  because woven into our DNA is a longing to be known, and seen, and loved fully.   i used to believe that if someone really loved me, they would never hurt me.  but now i know it’s really quite the opposite.  for those we let close enough into our true soul to see us fully will also likely miss us.

it’s inevitable that our broken and flawed parts will bump into each other and scabs might get ripped off…rawness exposed.  everything in me would want to run for cover and safety in those moments.  the wound felt like death, but oddly did not keep me from wanting to be loved.  eventually i came around to the truth that my pain of exposure is all part of being fully known.

and being fully known is part of being fully loved.

and that being fully loved in all of it’s possible joy, beauty, mess, failure, rawness and pain is worth the cost.  it is far more worth risking than settling for a quiet, careful and stale life lived unto itself.

so, when love requires something hard of me…like forgiving offense or letting go, i choose to keep loving.  i choose to keep attaching my heart and love with abandon.  with every up.  and every down.  keep choosing to risk.  and keep letting my small notion of love be enlarged and stretched.  i want the mark of loving and being loved to leave me changed…and saved from a careful life.

after all, doesn’t the Father always stretch and save the soul in the same breath.

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yours in the fight to keep loving at any cost,   jamie

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2 Responses to careful

  1. that’s a beautiful post on the complexities of love & loving.

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