And Abraham called the name of that place, The Lord Will Provide, as it is said to this day. ” In the mount of the Lord it will be provided .”  Genesis 22:14

        we all have them.

those moments in life where suddenly everything is rearranged…our hearts are somehow expanded beyond self.     beyond comfort.  where we must step out and away from the places we can create our own provision.  and risk believing God has our back.

they move us into uncharted waters.  where we wrestle with fully understanding that the cost of loving might include sacrifice and resilience …and open-handedness.  but, honestly the flesh gets weary under such a weight.  so we cry.

and cry out.  for relief.  for grace in our weakness.  for God to show up.  for Him to provide in those empty places of our offering and for Him to fill the raw, jagged holes left behind.

whether it’s the “stuff” of life  or matters of the heart…we lay our offering on the altar and count the cost.

thankfully, God is no stranger to costly love.

He is no stranger to sacrificing and giving until it hurts.  so He understands our plight and our burden of trying to believe that bringing ourselves to the altar won’t destroy us.  His mercy covers our unbelief and by some miracle we begin to see His provision as enough.  that His very flesh was given for redemption’s sake.  for our sake.

His depth of love for us was somehow worth the highest price.

the cost of His very Son.

all for the sake of allowing us to find our way back to God.  He made the way because we were created to be with Him.  to know Him.  to enjoy Him.  it’s in our DNA..whether we’re aware of it or not.  so, in love, He crashes in, rearranges, gets our attention and reaches down…then He pulls us in.  to His breast, to safety and into Himself.  lavishing us with His costly love.

009                                                              emptiness

she gave him away today.  her arms and heart ached with an empty she’d never known before.  letting go was the bravest but hardest thing…

because bringing forth life changes you.  from now on she would never be the same.

his scent, his cry, his weight in her arms might haunt her.  her body and heart would always carry the mark of motherhood , even though he was no longer hers.

so now, she chose to face her life.  and to begin to understand that loving selflessly means sometimes choosing emptiness.

and after surrendering the flesh of her flesh, came the tenderest and holiest kiss of good-bye.   letting her tears fall on this sacred ground of choosing to let go.

for Erica

Father, touch me in my raw and gaping holes of emptiness.  places where i’ve offered it all and feel the pang of loss.  let Your mercy and provision meet me on this altar again and again, remembering that Your Offering means that nothing can destroy me.

photo credit: Patrick O’Bryan

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2 Responses to offering

  1. Jamie . . . Robin has been forwarding your words to me.
    I must say that you challenge my heart . . . Jesus IN YOU challenges my heart. Jesus . . . through all that you have learned and lived and trudged through . . . touches my life. THANK YOU for holding your hands and heart open with these jewels.

    • jamjobryan says:

      thank you dear Rebecca…my words are my deepest and scariest things to offer but my heart is filled to the brim knowing they DO matter. and most importantly somehow stir up other hearts to see more of God. your reading helps me want to keep writing ❤

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