534                  so, i have a thing for maps.  they help me see where i really am…where i’ve been…and ponder where i might go.  possibilities.

orientation is always the first step in any journey.  the beginning of the beginning. i always wonder, how on earth did i get to “this” place ?  the here and now of who i’ve become ?  the truest answer for you and i …is that we arrive at our current reality often through accidental intentions.  life’s circumstances shape us, even break us.  we carry the wounds of this imperfect world… and our map feels obsolete.

we never set out to become a victim , a survivor , a cynic .  or learn to self-rely , disengage , co-depend  or live in fear and anxiety.  somehow it just happens and we are blinded to our methods of survival.

until the day we hit the wall.  and all our broken methods of navigating are exposed.  we are LOST.  more lost than we ever knew.

this is the fork in the road.

we get to choose the next steps in our journey.  to stay stuck in the broken-down  but familiar way of living or to repent and lay our weapons down.  there is no easy button or short cut in the spiritual process of becoming. 

it has occurred to me lately that losing oneself is much easier than finding oneself.  finding requires risk, waiting, trying things on for size, discarding.  taking stock and examining.  looking at ourselves with a holy curiosity and resisting the urge to run from the ugly we may find.  losing often happens out of carelessness and hurrying through life…allowing us to numb the aches of unanswered questions and uncomfortable truths.  keeping  a step ahead of ourselves in order to avoid facing our wounds and pain.  leaving us exhausted and mindless.  run aground and helpless.

this is the crucible for a new work by the Father.  we must submit our shattered pieces to the skillful work of the great Healer…to the One who peels away and strips us bare in order to make whole again.  where He has broken us, there is ALWAYS redemption in mind. but we must come in humility, with the bending of the knee.  and it will cost us ourselves.

death to self.   it’s the narrow road.  it’s the only way to taste the freedom we were meant for.  to breathe the clean, fresh, life-giving air our lungs burn for.  no more carefully constructing the road ahead.  instead choosing to yield,  to let go of the rails,  to run with abandon.  and each encounter with grace gives us eyes to see ourselves more clearly.  we begin to trust God in the story He is writing for us…and believe it is good . despite the story’s  dark chapters and dead ends…it is authored by the lover of our souls.

we must never forget that.  it is our clearest orientation.

He is our true north.  without knowing first where true north lies,  a map is quite useless no matter how much we trudge on.  we still become lost.  so i choose to set my feet on the path toward Him , onto new roads filled with mystery and unfamiliar.  knowing full well that my arriving will take a lifetime and will look altogether different than i imagined.

asking Him for reckless trust in the year ahead..choosing to move into chaos and unsafe places…and find” beautiful” there  ~ jamie

we’ve heard you, Jesus.  You’ve awakened us.  We’re alive.  Your current is taking us somewhere beyond telling.  Breathe on us.  Find us.  Save us.  Soon. ”        – The Allure of  Hope  by Jan Meyer

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